Master Emotional Intelligence: Self-Regulation

In order to enhance your self-regulation first and foremost, you must understand your values. This will inform your decision-making and enable you to differentiate between good and bad behaviours. You can make your own code of ethics by putting what you value most in your personality and what you want to be onto paper. 

For instance, you might want to be honest, fair, and trustworthy more than anything else. Then take note of the situations in ways that you don't self-regulate well. For instance, you could shut down when you need to think about money or give in to the temptation of a cookie, each time you visit the kitchen. Once you become aware of the qualities you wish to have and the situations where you need to enhance your self-regulation, you can improve your reactions, by paying attention to holding on to your values in those circumstances. 

Think about what you can do that will come closest to aligning with your values, and do it. Above all, remain calm. If you feel the urge to lash out, write down the bad or negative stuff that you want to say, but don't say it out loud. If you're struggling to control your impulses, remind yourself that the pay off of denying negative behaviour will be worth it in the long run. Or attempt to eliminate the source of the impulse itself. Get rid of the cigarettes or restrict social networking sites on your computer. 

Lastly, take responsibility for your errors and examine how these are deviating from your values. This will convert a slip-up into an experience to learn from and not something to be covered up. Be truthful with yourself and whoever else is involved. Let it be understood that you realize you messed up and you'll do better next time. If there are repercussions from your error, meet them head-on with the knowledge that you're working towards mastering your impulse and making better decisions.